unrelenting -adj; not yeilding
own logic. I know relentless means to not give up.
The man was unrelenting in his tasks.

exploited- ver; to utilize for profit
synonym-extorted
In the early 30s children where exploited as labor
pacification-verb; the act of pacifying
I used my own logic. I related it to pacifiers which are used to keep babies calm.
There best hope for the war was complete pacification

I feel a strong lack of motivation. I have never really been one much for school. At first I was very difficult, those old feelings started to arise. I wanted to quit. I had to keep reminding myself that I was paying for this. It was my money on the line and I am not wealthy at all. I managed to stick through it. “I can do this”, I would tell myself subconsciously. I have really been trying to turn over a new leaf this year. I want to try instead of not caring or half assing it. I get a lot of support at home. My grandma is always trying to give me money for books or lunch or anything she can find to use as an excuse. Of course I never take the money though, unless I really need it. My mom is very supportive I think she is more motivated than me and I am the one going to college. She genuinlly asks about my day that keeps me pushing on. Work is also a good motivater, because I don’t want to end up there forever like some of the guys. It’s a good job just not for me. Thinking of the future is another good motivation. One day like most people I would like a family of my own. I want to be able to take care of my family and not have to worry about a thing. I want to live comfortably is what I am really getting at. So I would have to say my lack of motivation is slowly moving in a positive direction. I hope I can gain more momentum as the semester goes on and I hope not to lose it.

long term

Long term goal- saving money                                                               03/92011

Dear Chris it has been a year since I started my new financial plans. Lets go back a year, when I was broke. I decided that I need to save money and I needed to do to it in a timely manner. I started putting away a hundred dollars of each paycheck into my savings. I figured I make around $250 dollars a week. Each paycheck I put aside that money and I don’t touch it. And I have not touched it till this day. I have accumulated enough money to purchase a car. I am still making payments but building credit as well. With the money I saved I purchased a 2009 Honda civic si. And I am also living on my own. Since I have been frugal with expenditures, I cook all my meals these days. No more eating out and spending money on what I could make at home. As an added bonus I have even begun to feel healthier and look better. I still go out time from time but I now look deep into my finances to make sure I can afford it. I am very happy with myself. I have enough money to live appropriately with no worries. Hope you’re doing alright for yourself as well, just take a few tips from me and you will be living happily in no time.

LOOKIN BACK

Last week I didn’t have many plans. I don’t really make plans. I usually see what comes my way through out the day. I worked for the most part last week and went to class. I didn’t stick to my workout regime which would have been my biggest downfall last week. This week I hope to get back in the gym. I might start a workout journal so I can keep track of my lifting. I can mark my progress or see where I lack in some areas. This week I plan on eating healthy. That will help my health and my wallet. I need to plan out each day in the week and make time for the gym. By doing this I can prepare myself in a timely manner. I can mark down what time I need to eat along with what I ate. I need to compare my work schedule and my school schedule so that I can always make time for what I need to do. Hopefully I can keep up with this for next week as well. If there is one thing I need most of its rest. I need to stop staying up late and watching television. Eight hours of sleep must be fit into my schedule.

vocab

schizophrenia- (noun) severe mental disorders marked by delusions and hallucinations.
 "it was a kind of schizophrenia"
I used my own logic. I have a family member that suffers from schizophrenia so i knew the meaning instantly.
The older gentleman in the park seemed to have a severe case of schizophrenia.

stash- (noun) to hide away
"courage, I seemed to thin, comes to us in infinite quantities, like and inheritance, and by being frugal and stashing it away and letting it earn interest (pg40)
I used my own logic. I have heard the term stash, stashing throughout the years and have come to learn its meaning.

censure- (noun) strong disapproval
"I feard ridicule and censure" (pg45)
I used the example in the book. I thought what he might be feeling and how other people would feel and guessed the meaning from the context clues

messy heart

It was mid march, my world collapsed, or so I thought. She was young and beautiful. Eighteen and I was looking for anything to hold me together. By fate or chance, I met her, my first love. I was in love or what I can clearly see now lust.

The first year went off without a hitch. We were moving at what seemed the speed of light. Marriage was often a topic as were children. I never liked the idea of kids and marriage and I made that aware in an appropriate way. As time went, on I liked the ideas we spoke of. I felt as if I could marry her on the spot. We almost made it 2 years.          

Things seemed off between us for awhile. I tried to show affection, but her mind was made up. The night it happened was as normal as any other. But it would soon unravel to my dismay. She seemed nervous. She just couldn’t get it out. It was on the tip of her tongue. Tears started to roll down her beautiful porcelain cheeks. That instant my heart shattered. She said many things I could agree with. And many things that stung. I was depressed like never before for quite some time. What I got out of it was heartache and a lesson. I now understand that relationships need bounds and affection should be displayed. But above all, I will never put a woman over everything I stand for, everything I am. I still think of her to this day, and I know it doesn’t matter to her. I think I can’t stop thinking of her not because I was in love, some of the comments she made were seared into my heart and my mind forever.  

vocabulary

poncho- adjective; covering for ones persons.
In april, for instance, when teh lavender was shot they used his poncho to wrap him up, then carry him across the paddy, then to lift him into the chopper that took him away.
own logic
My red poncho kept me dry in the harsh pounding rain

the things i carry

The things I carry are an array of emotion. Loneliness, fear, pain, suffering, all of this roots from one single event in my life, divorce. Nine years old and life was just getting good until the day I find out my parents are splitting. After that day I never felt so alone the thought of living with only one parent at a time was unattainable by my elementary level mind, I just didn’t understand. Needless to say I was looking for answers, and I couldn’t find them.

Years went by time seem to be nothing to me until I started getting older. Thoughts of right and wrong never entered my mind I never seemed to care with no real father around I made my own image of a man. I did many things to this day I am not proud of but I did that and someday maybe never I will have to come to terms with that. Hopefully my feelings of shame for all these years will be enough payment.

Things have calmed down a lot lately. My bitterness for my father has left somewhat, things are always improving. Many have said he was the root of my anger, and as I am older now I can see the truth in this. Its as if the moment I let it go the anger the emotional baggage just left and im now living a more positive life.

A few years ago no one would believe I had enrolled in college I am now six months away from 21 and Im finally in school. They day I told my mother and my grandmother they almost collapsed. Now I carry the love and inspiration that those two beautiful women give me everyday of my life.