The things I carry are an array of emotion. Loneliness, fear, pain, suffering, all of this roots from one single event in my life, divorce. Nine years old and life was just getting good until the day I find out my parents are splitting. After that day I never felt so alone the thought of living with only one parent at a time was unattainable by my elementary level mind, I just didn’t understand. Needless to say I was looking for answers, and I couldn’t find them.
Years went by time seem to be nothing to me until I started getting older. Thoughts of right and wrong never entered my mind I never seemed to care with no real father around I made my own image of a man. I did many things to this day I am not proud of but I did that and someday maybe never I will have to come to terms with that. Hopefully my feelings of shame for all these years will be enough payment.
Things have calmed down a lot lately. My bitterness for my father has left somewhat, things are always improving. Many have said he was the root of my anger, and as I am older now I can see the truth in this. Its as if the moment I let it go the anger the emotional baggage just left and im now living a more positive life.
A few years ago no one would believe I had enrolled in college I am now six months away from 21 and Im finally in school. They day I told my mother and my grandmother they almost collapsed. Now I carry the love and inspiration that those two beautiful women give me everyday of my life.
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